Vampire Hunter Me?

Me and the most beautiful woman in the world recently bought a house. A 1930s beach bungalow with a nice yard, plenty of room for improvement, bay view, and five minute walk to the beach. We've been here a month and I just found this spike tucked behind our fireplace wall. A 100% carved Vampire Spike for all my undead killing needs. This is no tent stake, someone took serious time carving it to a very fine and sharp point.

The yet to be named house, was a foreclosure so we know nothing about the people who lived here. Some of the locals tell us there was a large family who dwindled down to an old couple that enjoyed canning foods. We have no evidence of the canning, but for some odd shelves. We DO however; have some pretty rock solid evidence that they were BAD ASS vampire hunters.

I can picture granny now, pounding a spike into the undead using a jar of homemade preserves. Now I have to ask myself am I ready for the undead? I mean I got this spike but do I know how to use it? Could mild mannered ol' me weld this in home defense?? We'll lets hope it never comes to that, right. Everyone is worried about the zombies now a days but there is still the ever present threat of Vampire attack...thanks for the reminder granny.

Coexsistance

It's that time of the year in Humboldt county. The rain has been going on so long, that even the most hardened wet weather Humboldtian is feeling damp. Apart from the lack of sun light, destructively high winds and that cold pounding rain that never stops; you also get new house guests.

The guest are most often referred to as those little fu#%ers or Argentine piss ants, which get their name because you get so dang pissed at them, and they smell like ant pee if you crush them. When the rain fills up their holes, they move inside and the battle is on. They win; of that there is no doubt. You can score a victorious battle here and there but you can never break the onslaught.

You learn to respect them as worthy adversaries. These particular ants are the second best world conquerors right behind Alexander or Charlemagne. There are three super colonies all essentially the same family of ants who like their human counterparts cling to life as far and as wide as possible. Unfortunately California is centered in a large almost 600 miles long supercolony. A mear speck compared to the 3000+ miles of their colony around the Mediterranean. Since destruction is not an option we are left with control and co-existence.

How do you coexist with these little bastards? They swarm at the smallest crumb left behind, are walking over every item you own, and you've eaten plenty of them because they wander over cups, forks, or anything else that may end up in your mouth. The most frustrating part is the insanity of them. They'd be easier to handle if all they went after was food. It's easy enough to wipe down the kitchen counter but why are they swarming IN the charger for my toothbrush. It's perfectly clean and they are inside it so they are not after some dripped toothpaste.

I'd like to draw some connection to the republicans or those crazy tea baggers (has anyone explained what that means to them?) but ultimately you can lock either of them out of your house.

Soon the rains may stop and the visitors will retreat a bit, but like unwanted family they will come back looking for a handout. This is Humboldt county so someone asking for your stuff is par for the course. They are as much a part of Humboldt as us who have lingered here for so long; that doesn't mean we don't wish they'd just leave.

This morning I see a little sun maybe there will be a break in the weather and the war.